HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH BOOK FRIENDS!!! As a gift on this stupendous October day, I give you this post.
PROCEED WITH CAUTION because this one is LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.
You might have seen my review of The Raven King yesterday, which was the grand finale to the series. Take a peek at any of my reviews of the The Raven Cycle and you’ll quickly understand how deep my obsession goes. What started out as a fun fantasy novel quickly turned into my NEW RELIGION, and I’ve been devouring each book like a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.
Luckily I don’t think I’m alone in this, and after getting some serious inspiration from Buzzfeed, I wanted to share this journey through the last novel with others who would appreciate it. Re-live the experience through my crazy-girl banter! YOU’RE WELCOME.
* SERIOUS spoilers ahead. *
Normally in my reviews I try not to give away too much of the ending, but this is no holds bar from beginning to end.
YOU’VE BEEN WARNED PEOPLE!
1. Wait. WAIT. Are you telling me that Gansey has known about his impending death this entire time? I don’t know why this is shocking to me, but color me surprised.
2. Who the heck is Jimi? Is this someone I should know? Have I forgotten an entire character in the one day it took me to switch books?
3. LOL Artemus in a closet.
4. Yes Artemus. What happened? Please share with the class why you recreationally hang out in closets now.
5. Could Gansey’s parents BE anymore oblivious??? (That was my Chandler Bing voice, by the way) I know they’re kind of far from him, but jeez.
6. “Ronan’s gasoline heart was firing.” Such an apt description.
7. Holy crap it’s dream girl, right? He brought back dream girl!!!
8. CHICKEN OUT. OH MY GOD NOAH.
9. Only Ronan could be proud of Blue for getting suspended and make it an adorable Hallmark moment.
10. Orphan girl! I KNEW IT!
11. Of course Adam already knows. Mission “Secret Blusey Relationship” is definitely a failure.
12.There is a magical forest sing along happening and my heart is melting.
13. Adam made Ronan smile! They’re having a moment!! I’M DYING.
14. I can’t believe Gansey knows he’s going to die. I don’t know why I can’t believe it, but I can’t.
15. Seriously, who the hell is Jimi? Why can’t I remember this woman?! I’ve read all the books within the last two weeks. What is wrong with me?
16. Ugh, this bathroom scene! The women are sitting in a bathtub, Jimi is holding Blue, and my eyes are getting misty. I can’t take this.
17. Calla is my spirit animal.
18. Aaaaaannnnnddddd now we’re on a boat with creepy triplets. Okay then.
19. Piper is annoying as hell. She’s not even scary, she just stumbles her way through evil villainy and somehow makes it out the other side.
20. HI DAD?!?!?!?
21. Ewww it’s like she has three of the same dad, it’s freaking me out.
22. Can we really blame Ronan for skipping school? If I had nightmares like his, I’d never leave my house.
23. Awe, Noah’s sister! The thought of Noah jumping on a table during a family reunion makes me very happy.
24. *Squints suspiciously* I can’t figure out this Henry guy, but giving Gansey water was cool. I’m watching you Cherney…
25. Oh there was really something in Adam’s eye? I thought that was code for I’m-a-man-who-can’t-be-seen-crying-about-Noah-in-public.
26. Adam keeps having these problems, and now I’m just WAITING for Piper to appear inside his body. Ugh.
27. Ewwwwww freaky eye!!!
28. OH NO KILLER SHADOWS.
29. Wait, they’re SERIOUSLY going to a toga party? Ronan is having nightmares, Gansey is having hornet panic attacks, and Adam is being possessed by a demonic spirit, but let’s all throw on a toga and get toasted.
30. God, I love Adam.
31. I ship Maura and Mr. Grey so hard. They’re so freaking cute together in a subtle kind of way.
32. “Consequences are a bitch.” My new life motto. Told you Calla was my spirit animal.
33. Uhhhhhhhhh they’re in Piper’s house. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god….
34. Noah is there?!?!?!?!
35. Jimi again. I can’t believe I forgot one of the women who lives in 300 Fox Way. She seems really nice too. I’m terrible.
ME RIGHT NOW
36. Poor Noah.
37. Gansey and Blue are alone going to a party and I’m FREAKING. OUT.
38. I just had a mental image of Blue, Gansey, and a toga-clad Henry all sitting alone in awkward silence in a fancy parlor and I can’t stop giggling.
39. Really not sure how to read the whole Henry situation…….
40. “Adam lived in an apartment located above the office of St. Agnes Catholic Church, a fortuitous combination that focused most of the objects of Ronan’s worship into one downtown block.” OH. MY. GOD. *heart explodes*
41. Ronan just described Adam’s hands and I may faint.
42. I would be a terrible navigator for scrying Adam. He’d tell me to go North and I would try to put it in my Google Maps app.
43. HIS FATHER GOT AWAY WITH JUST A FINE AND PROBATION??? ARGH!!!
44. *Sighs* I was so worried about this party and now my heart hurts because they’re SO. FREAKING. ADORABLE.
45. WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT??? RONAN DREAMT CABESWATER??????????
46. I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS RIGHT NOW.
47. Thank god Adam asked if Ronan was in his head when he talks to Cabeswater. That was the first coherent thought I had.
48. He fell into a pool of acid?!? Good lord, my dreams are so boring.
49. I will never look at 6:21 the same again.
50. Noah’s DIGGING OUT BLUE’S EYE?? ACK!
51. Ugh, Greenmantle again. This friggin’ fool.
52. Ahhhhh buggsssss nooooooo!! *shivers*
53. Piper is everything I hate condensed in to one person.
54. The fact that this evil demon sleeper is a giant hornet seems oddly appropriate, and I’m not just talking about Gansey’s allergy. It’s lowkey creepy enough to really get under your skin.
55. What the frick is Neeve doing?! She TOLD Piper to wake a demon and she did. Now she’s telling Piper not to trust it. YOU DID THIS NEEVE. GET IT TOGETHER.
56. It’s narcissist. Piper, the word you’re looking for to describe that “special sort of extrovert” you are, is narcissist.
57. Shitlord! Holy crap I’m calling everyone that now.
58. God, I just… I LOVE RONAN SO MUCH.
59. *sniffles* Gansey just declared their relationship in front of everyone and I’M SO HAPPY!
60. Henry again. This is a very adorable scene until you realize a guy you barely know is leading you to a secluded room with a hole in the dirt floor. Like ummm yeah okay, but THERE’S A HOLE IN THE GROUND????
61. Well this just got heavy. Jeez Henry, you could warn a girl before you lure people into holes for a bonding sesh.
62. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME HENRY?! GANSEY + BEES = NO. I’M GETTING GRAY HAIRS OVER HERE.
63. I JUST realized that Seondeok is Henry’s mother. That took me way too long.
64. I LOVE RONAN SO MUCH
65. Henry somehow makes being a douchebag look endearing and I’m very confused about it.
66. He’s Henrysexual!! Bahahahahaha! Okay okay. This kid is all right.
67. Oh, Ronan called them for a birthday party?? God, I was expecting them to be burying another body or something.
68. OH MY GOD THEY’RE KISSING. PYNCH IS HAPPENING. I CAN’T BREATHE. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. THEY ARE SO FREAKING CUTE I CAN’T STAND IT.
69. Ugh, Neeve. She better turn this around because right now, I wanna kick her in the shins.
70. “Morale was low.” Psh, no kidding. YOU TALKED PIPER INTO WAKING A DEMON. I have no f#cks left for these two.
71. All I can think about right now is the Raven Cycle show Syfy is making and how I’m going to have to watch a giant demon hornet float around. Yugh *shivers*
72. Soooooo…. let me get this straight.
Piper is using the dad triplets to get word out about her “item,” which is actually the demon hornet, while still using the demon hornet’s help……
And she thinks it won’t retaliate in any way……
She thinks it will just let it happen…… W-O-W.
73. I’m not sorry Neeve is gone. That probably makes me a terrible person, but it’s true. Fair warning, I will DEFINITELY feel the same way about Piper, should she perish at some point. *crosses fingers*
74. “Eyeball ChapStick.” Ronan is the best. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.
75. “‘I’m very busy, aunt,’ Henry replied, although he was very clearly watching video game walk-throughs in his underwear… So now he found himself stepping out the back door of Litchfield House into the gravel lot in just a Madonna T-shirt and his favorite black sneakers.” I wasn’t completely sure about Henry, and in the span of about two paragraphs he’s totally won me over. Pretty sure I’m in love with him now.
76. Ohhhh the Kinks. It’s Mr. Gray who has Henry. I feel better.
77. GET OUT OF MY DREAMS *dances* AND INTO MY CAR!! Does anyone else find it ironic that Billy Ocean is singing about getting into his car after Mr. Gray just lowkey KIDNAPPED HENRY???
78. “Surely no one would try to sell a demon.” You would think, Gansey. You would think. That’s because you have some freaking common sense.
79. Something about the casual displays of affection between Gansey and Blue makes me turn to goo.
80. Ohhhhhhhhh my god Ronan and Adam. I’m having heart palpitations.
81. AHHHHHHHHH THAT PORCH SCENE THO. I AM A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR.
82. Ohhhh HELL NO DEMON. HELL NO. You ain’t unmaking my man Ronan!!
83. Wait, Gwenllian’s mother was really a tree? I thought that was a metaphor. I’m gonna need a backstory here…
84. Thank you for your time??? What, are you a door-to-door salesman now Artemus? Come on!! BE A MAN!! Help a girl out!!! Her tree mother was just unmade!!!!
85. Bahahaha Calla! “If someone is robbing us, come back after business hours!” SPIRIT. ANIMAL.
86. Ohhhhh her mother was IN the tree.
87. Oh my god, Ronan is dreaming and I’m very stressed.
88. NOOO! Oh CRAP! Not his mom!!! I should have seen this coming.
89. YES! GO GRAY MAN!! *Pumps fist* BRING DOWN CREEPY TRIPLETS!
90. DAMN IT. NOW I’M CRYING.
91. As someone living among Georgia Oaks, the concept of trees having a soul is so incredibly real to me, I could hug Maggie Stiefvater right now.
92. Oh crap it’s starting. The end is nigh. Uggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
93. “This is where I died.” WHAT. YOU CAN’T JUST THROW AROUND PHRASES LIKE THAT.
94. Do people really still play croquet at parties? Is that still a thing?
95. A helmet and a manservant! It’s amazing how quickly my apprehension of Henry has turned to adoration.
96. OH MY GOD THE AGLIONBY SWEATER. ITS REALLY HAPPENING.
97. Holy crap, they found Gansey even though he’s deep in a cave, shrouded in darkness. Uggghhh I’m so not okay right now.
98. I’m sorry, but why is this surprising? He’s been down there for CENTURIES. Of course he’s a skeleton! Wake him up!!
99. THANK YOU BLUE.
100. Wait, that’s it? IT’S OVER?????? HE’S REALLY JUST A PILE OF BONES???????????????
101. I’M CRYING AGAIN. THIS BOOK IS KILLING ME SLOWLY.
102. Oh wow, okay. Suddenly Adam is possessed by the demon again. Got it.
103. NOOOOO!! Ahhh this fight scene between Adam and Ronan is AGONY!!!!
104. Words cannot describe how much I want Piper’s ass handed to her by the gigantor bee.
105. I cannot BELIEVE she’s trying to sell this thing.
106. HOW IS SHE THIS DUMB?!?!
107. Well. Piper’s gone.
Wow. I’m so shocked. What an unexpected turn of events. <— Sarcasm
108. Ahhhhhhhhhhh Ronan’s really being unmade!!!
109. OMFG ITS HAPPENING. IT’S. HAPPENING.
110. Annnnnnnnddd I’m crying again. This book. THIS BOOK.
111. Noah! It’s been Noah this whole time?!
112. Oh my god oh my god oh my god. They’re bringing him back. OH MY GOD.
113. Ahhhhhhh!!! Dang, I wanted to see him wake up. But I’M SO HAPPYYYY!!!
114. ADAM IS DRIVING RONAN’S CAR <3
115. This is all so freaking adorable, my heart can’t take it.
116. THE ULTIMATE GREEN CAR! 😂🤣😂
117. THEY HAD FUTURE ADVENTURES WAITING FOR THEM ON THE LEY LINE!!!!!!!!!
118. Well. That was just THE MOST PERFECT ENDING EVER.
TALK TO ME
Is anyone still here, did the length of this post scare everyone away?
What do you think, did I get it right? Tell me about your reactions to the book!
Everyone excited about the Dreamer trilogy that’s coming out?!?!?!
Holler at me in the comments!!